I was no stranger to the toxic self-sabotaging habits and patterns. I’ve suffered from low self-esteem, body dysmorphia, unworthiness, people pleasing and perfectionist tendencies.

As well as a a handful of mental and chronic physical health issues ~ I’ve had a lot of challenges to over come in my life including losing over 100 pounds.

I also came from an extremely dysfunctional family where I was exposed to constant fighting, torment and emotional abuse. I learned to cope by eating my way through my emotions.

Luckily I found yoga when I was 15 which helped me cultivate a spiritual practice that would go on to become the driving force behind my desire and ability to help others.

To give you the Coles notes in 2014 I was in a car accident which forced me to completely change the path of my career and spend the next three years understanding the patience and perseverance of physical healing.

Then a year later my grandmother who was my rock passed away. It seemed like those years were a total blur ~ a rollercoaster of grief, shock and trauma.

Shortly after that my grandfather on the other side of the family had a stoke which created a complete breakdown in our already toxic family dynamic.

Everything as I knew it had crumbled and I was so ashamed to talk about what I was going through with anyone.

I isolated myself and did my best to get through the confusing circus that was my life without anyone knowing too much.

I spent a lot of time alone withdrawn and feeling helpless. The irony was that I was teaching restorative yoga and holding healing space for others which helped to give me a sense of purpose in a very bleak time.

Just when I thought I couldn’t handle anymore change my husband whom I had been in an ethically non monogamous marriage with (we can save that story for another time) proposed that it was time to call it quits.

I knew he was right and I was also terrified to let go.

A few days after he suggested we get a divorce my best friend – my cousin Joanne committed suicide.

Deep breath.

My body still in pain from the car accident, my family torn apart, my marriage ending and now my greatest confident had chosen to exit the world.

My walls were closing in.

This was my rock bottom.

Nowhere else to go.

I just had to “get through” each day.

Some days I drank too much, some days I smoked cannabis first thing in the morning and the last thing before bed. Some days I couldn’t eat a thing and other days I binged.

I thought about death a lot.

Would the world miss me if I was gone?

What was my life worth anyway?I’m not proud of it but grief really fucks with your head.

When the universe compounds so many crisis one after the next you really have no choice but to find out what you’re made of .

I remembered the time when I was 14 years old. I was In a wheel chair for a year after slipping and jamming my hip on a school trip.

I had to give up my love for competitive dance at the time to rehab my body after dancing on the injury for a year misdiagnosed.

One day when I was in complete victim mode my mom said to me “god only gives you what you’re strong enough to handle.” I had no idea then just how strong I was meant to be.

This is why I can say for sure, without a shadow of a doubt that anything is possible when you’re willing to take responsibility for your life, do the inner work and heal yourself to bring about positive changes.

We CAN overcome anything with the right tools, practices and supportive influences.

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